


Edward Elric Shouldn't Drive

by TheCrimsonGhost309



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Comedy, Crack, idek, random cows, wrote this a long time ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 10:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11712522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrimsonGhost309/pseuds/TheCrimsonGhost309
Summary: Since he's in the military, Ed should know the basics of driving a car. And who's going to teach him? The Great Roy Mustang, of course. Disaster ensues.





	Edward Elric Shouldn't Drive

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"Oh shut up Colonel!"

Ed was driving beyond any speeding limit, swerving right and left, and just scaring the hell out of poor Colonel Mustang.

"WALL! WATCH OUT FOR THE WALL!"

"Got away!"

"FULLMETAL! YOU'RE DRIVING ON THE SIDEWALK!"

"Oh really? Hmm, Oh! That explains why those people are standing there! I should press the… horn! Yes! Ok, they ran away!"

"How the hell was I convinced to do this?"

_10 minutes earlier… Edward Elric stomped through East City Headquarters, his younger, armored brother in tow. When he reached his destination, he opened the door. (More like, blew the door open.)_

_"Colonel Bastard, you wanted to see me?"_

_"I did, Fullmetal. Come in."_

_"So, what mission do you have this time?"_

_"It's not a mission, Fullmetal. You see, everyone in the military must at least know how to drive a car. And you don't know how to drive one, do you?"_

_"Not really, I don't."_

_"Very Well then. Let's go downstairs. I will teach you how to drive."_

_"…WHAT?"_

_Once they got downstairs, along with Lieutenant Hawkeye, Mustang said smugly: "_ _Hey Fullmetal, go grab some cushions, you'll need them to see over the steering wheel, because I believe they don't make shrimp-sized car seats." "_

_WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SUPER MINI SHRIMP EVEN OTHER SHRIMPS WOULD NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE HIM?" Mustang smirked. "Just get in the car, Fullmetal."_

_They got inside the car, while Al stayed with the Lieutenant ._

_"_ _Lieutenant Hawkeye, I really think teaching Brother how to drive isn't the greatest idea." "Alphonse, he must learn the basics at least."_

_"But, I think the Colonel will develop a fear from cars for the rest of his life when they're done." She looked at him questioningly, before looking back at the car._

_"See, Fullmetal, this pedal is for the brakes, and this one is for the GAAAAAAAAA-!"_

_"_ _Oh well, off they go."_

Mustang was snapped back to his crazy reality (Where he was holding on desperately to his chair for dear life.) when he saw a building coming closer to them.

"BUILDING! FULLMETAL, WE'RE GOING TO CRASH INTO A BUILDING! USE THE STEERING WHEEL!" Mustang yelled in panic.

"WHAT THE HELL IS A BUILDING DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?"

"YOU'RE STILL ON THE SIDEWALK, YOU IDIOT! JUST SWERVE!"

Ed made quite an impressive swerve, avoiding the strange building in the last second, before returning to the main road. "Hey! I'm getting better at this!" He said happily.

"Fullmetal. Back. To HQ. Now." Mustang squeaked out.

"Aww, ride's over already?" Ed whined.

"COW!"

"DON'T CALL ME A COW, MUSTANG!"

"NO, WATCH OUT FOR THE COW!"

"WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COW COME FROM?"

"Don't run it over, Fullmetal!"

"I'm not trying to-Hey where did it go?"

"I don't know and I don't care. Go back to HQ. Now." Mustang was glued to his chair in fear, clinging to it like a child.

Luckily, they got back without trouble, although Ed nearly ran over Havoc on his way back from his cigarette break. When Ed stopped the car, Mustang literally jumped out, twitching all over.

"Earth! Ground! Oh it's so beautiful!"

"Sir?" Hawkeye asked, confused. "Are you alright?"

"Miraculously yes, Lieutenant. But I'll be walking home from now on. At least for the next few months. And Fullmetal shouldn't be allowed near a car again till he's 18!"

"Oh come on Mustang! Don't push it! I didn't hit anything!"

"No. Never again. Ever." Ed grumbled, before wondering. "I still don't understand where that cow came from."

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm publishing some of my old fics from FanFiction.net here, in the hopes that it would get me to start writing again as it's been years since I last did. Thanks for reading!


End file.
